we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
