What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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