Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
