Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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