remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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