I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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