her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
