I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
