fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
