the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
