I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
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you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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