You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
