He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
