wanna go halves on a baby?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
