he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
