My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
