I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
