I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
