I could make wine with my vomit
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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