when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You're like the curious george of whores
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
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