you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
