Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
