Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
