His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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