I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
