drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
