I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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