we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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