I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
