Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
