If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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