I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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