remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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