I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
