im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
