I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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