More tranny stories later!
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
