i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
