I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Let's paint friendship bongs
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
