Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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