I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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