she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Ketchup is God's man juice
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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