i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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