my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
