Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
