Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
