my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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