I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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