Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
