You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
ttyl tear gas
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
