He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
