I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
