Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
