Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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