just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize