I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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