Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
