Dual....:-)
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
