Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
