3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
