New invention idea: vibrating tampons
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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