I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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