I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
try to milk me bitch
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
