dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
