so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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