he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
