Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
