How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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