My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
