I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
